But what about a woman? Usually, I avoid the passages of Scripture that talk about how woman should act and behave especially in marriages because I tell myself they are irrelevant now. But is that really true?
I have a lovely friend who absolutely loves submission. She thinks it is the most beautiful thing in the world. She cannot wait to have a husband who leads her and loves her so much that she submits to him. A few months ago, I would gag every time she mentioned it. I used to view submission as a sign of weakness or powerlessness. But I am beginning to see the beauty in submission. I think after all my brokenness, God really just crumbled my need to be dominant and controlling. He has humbled me finally. As I learn to submit to God, I also learn to submit in relationships. And Wendie is right. It is a beautiful thing.
1 Peter 3:1-6 says, "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear."
I love this passage for manyyy reasons. First of all, it lays out a plan for women who don't marry fellow believers to win there husbands over to Jesus. NOT through words or arguments, but through their loving acts of service and submission-- being an ideal example of who Christ is in their lives. I have a friend who struggles with this currently. While not dating a Christian man, she still realizes that she is THE example of Christ in his life... and just as Peter says, being aware of that is the way to win them over for Christ.
I also love how Peter describes beauty. Like so many (cough*all*cough) girls out there, I struggle with what defines me as "beautiful." To the world, beauty is seen in gross, cheap ways. But 1 Peter lays out what is beautiful in God's eyes. A gentle and quiet spirit. While I'll be the first to admit that doesn't necessarily describe me... at all. It is encouraging nonetheless. This "gentle and quiet spirit" goes hand in hand with submission. Being submissive to a man's will or to God's will does not mean voicing my opinion and standing firm in "my way or the highway" kind of attitudes. It means being gentle in what you say, being sure to support and respect the man/God throughout. It means humbling yourself enough that you don't have to be in control all of the time. That you may not be right all of the time. That there is someone out there who is going to love you and care for you better than you can do for yourself.
What a beautiful picture of love. I think that is exactly what I needed to see in my own life. Not only am I learning to submit to God and realize that I don't actually have all of the answers, I am learning to submit in relationships also. I am beginning to see the beauty in submission. Admitting that the world does not revolve around me and that my ideas and plans are not perfect in anyway. I am relenting to a greater will and power-- to someone who knows better than me.
Another passage to read in the Bible that lays out what a woman should look like is Proverbs 31. I used to HATE this passage too because I thought it was all outdated. That we now live in a world where women can make more money than men. And women don't have to strive to be stay at home moms. But I think I read it all wrong.
Proverbs 31 says some powerful things on submission and the relationship between a husband and a wife. Yes, wives should submit to their husbands, but the husband also needs to respect and cherish their wives. They cannot abuse the fact that they have a submissive partner. Verse 11 says, "Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value." Being submissive is not a bad thing. It does not mean she is the weaker of the two, but her husband still values her immensely and trusts her with all that he has.
"Charm is deceptive; and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." I think that is the best quality of them all. It is like that quote that says, "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that the man has to draw near to him to find her."
So ladies out there... seek HIM first and submit to HIM, thennn you can work on being the wife/girlfriend/friend that you are called to be.
Disclaimer: (Please, do not see this as me looking for a husband or wanting to be married or be a wife-- I am FAR from that...but I do think that learning to be a woman after God's heart is an important quality to have all of the time, not just in a marriage-type-relationship).
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