Cheap Love

I have a problem in my heart. It is called cheap love.

Have I ever told you about "female porn?" Well, for a lot of women, addiction to pornography is not a commonly talked about problem. But let me tell you about a different kind of porn. One that is equally as disgusting and ridiculous and degrading as regular porn: Female Porn.

I am a recovering addict.

Okay, before you get all creeped out by me, let me tell you what female porn is and the difference between it and normal pornography. Female porn is the romance movies, novels, Disney movies that portray a "perfect" relationship-- you know, the "sweep-you-off-your-feet" kind of love. Don't get me wrong, I am guilty of still liking several of these movies (When Harry Met Sally and The Holiday just to name a few...). But I am 99.9% sure these kind of movies... this female porn... have jacked up my view of love and relationships. In my polluted, idealistic mind, love is pure and perfect. There aren't fights or disagreements when two people are madly in love. Which can tell you a lot about my past relationships.

Every preteen girls' dream is to "fall" into love with her soulmate and live happily ever after.

There is something wrong about the word "fall" when describing love. It is as if it happens on accident. I think we can fall into lust, but my definition of love involves an intentional action and decision.

To love is to give up selfish desires; to serve and lay down your life for another person without conditions; no matter who they are and what they have done love means to offer them forgiveness, grace, and mercy; to love is to show Jesus to another person because God is love.

I am not sure how anyone can "accidentally" be selfless. More often then not, we find ourselves "accidentally" being selfish.

Granted, I am guilty of saying that I have "fallen in love" or am "falling for someone hard." And I think there is some sort of emotion that makes us feel like we are falling-- that we have lost control-- and there isn't anything wrong with that.  But that still isn't intentional love.

Maybe what we see when we "fall" is a glimpse of God. Maybe that rush we get is because we glimpse something unseen and too good to be true, if even for a moment. Because God is love, any pure love we see on earth is a reflection of him and the love he offers us.

More often than not, women obsess over being in love or finding "the one."  I read this great analogy yesterday.


Imagine a beautiful, blossoming wildflower surrounded by sunlight. She has a perfect position to receive the light and water and nutrients she needs to thrive, but yet, she sees the light that hits the hillside and decides it is better for her. She reaches with all she can to be hit by those rays. Soon enough, instead of standing upright and tall, she is parallel to the ground, withering away because she has turned her back on the sunlight above her.


How often do we do this? We set our eyes and mind on something and seek it with all we know how to, but we ignore the perfect sunlight all around us. If the flower had only looked to the sun above her (cough*God*cough), she would have realized that he alone was enough. She was looking for love in all the wrong places. When we set our sights and our gaze on the One who has the answers, what could go wrong? Why would we want to seek a cheap version of love that is not part of God's blessing?

Biblical Greek has three words for love.

ἀγάπη:: agape is the love used in John 3:16, 1 Corinthians 13, etc.. etc... It is the unconditional, self-sacrificing love that God demonstrated to us in Jesus Christ. It is a perfect love. 


φιλία:: philia is a friendship love. it demonstrates a virtuous, loyal love between friends and family members. (think philadelphia-- with adelphia meaning brothers in Greek).


ἔρως:: eros is a passionate love having to do with sexual desires. It is the love used for relationships and marriages.  

Hebrew has three words for love.

אהבה
:: ahava is the unconditional love used to describe our love for God and his love for us.

רעיה
:: raya is a friendship-type love.

דוד
:: dode literally translates "beloved," and is the equivalent to Greek's eros.


I so wish that English had more words to use for "love" instead of just the one. In the same breath we can say we love God and love Cherry Coke Zero. (okay, maybe my love for those are equal.... KIDDING!).


I challenge you to be more intentional about loving with agape and ahava. being selfless and unconditional about your love. Don't settle for the cheap version of love that the world offers, but instead be set apart, only showing and seeking THE PUREST FORM OF LOVE-- aka Jesus.

There should be nothing cheap in love-- to be cheap means to be inexpensive, to cost little or no labor or trouble.

How in the world can that be equated to love!? Jesus paid it all to show us his love-- to show us the life he offers us-- one free of sin and pain and emptiness. Cling to his love-- his rare, expensive, endless love.