Just about a month and a half ago, I was on a plane from Salt Lake City to Denver. I am one of those girls people dread sitting by because I always want to find out the person's life story. I just think it is so interesting to hear what people are doing with their lives.
Well this plane ride was no different. We were on a tiny little plane, two seats on each side of the aisle. I was sitting in the window seat, and was just watching the people walk onto the plane, waiting to see who my new friend was going to be. Sure enough, in walks this younger-looking, buzz cut guy who plops down right next to me. We exchanged a smile, but that was all. Our conversation didn't start until later when he decided to make fun of me for cussing under my breath at our terrible pilot at take-off. We talked for the entirety of the hour long flight and the half-hour taxing to our gate in Denver.
I learned his name is Zac Evans. A 20-year-old Marine from Ogden, Utah who is stationed in San Diego. I also learned that that next weekend, he was being deployed to Afghanistan, (or "Afghan" as he put it). He had just spent his last weekend with his friends and family in Utah and was heading back to California.
If you know me, you probably know I am pretty easy to get along with and make friends fairly quickly/easily. Well, needlesstosay, Zac and I were bffs by the time we got off the plane (even after I described how hippie, peace-loving I was!). So much so I awkwardly asked if I could hug him because I felt like I had known him wayyy longer than just two hours. We exchanged facebook information and phone numbers and kept in touch that whole week before his deployment.
Since he has been deployed, I have written him several letters, but to no return. He did get a chance to call his mom and leave a voice mail just telling her that he was okay, but he won't be able to call again in a long time.
This morning, I did my daily log-on to facebook and noticed several of my friends' status updates were the same:: "We are asking everyone to say a prayer for "Darkhorse" 3rd Battalion 5th Marines and their families. They are fighting it out in Afghanistan and have lost 9 marines in 4 days. Please re-post this. IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE ON EVERY ONES WALL."
Zac is stationed in the 3/5 Marines Unit.
Since the beginning of November, "Darkhorse" has lost 13 men. While I am fairly confident Zac is still okay.... this just rocked my world.
What are the chances that the facebook status update that everyone is putting up this week is about my friend's battalion. Out of all of the people and units serving in foreign countries right now, Zac's is the one that shows up on my news feed.
Please keep him in your prayers. Pray for his family-- his mom, dad, and two sisters. And pray for his heart. I can't imagine the things that he has seen or will see in the months ahead. Pray that he will feel comforted and not alone despite his distance from those who he loves. Especially as the holiday season/his birthday rolls around.
If you are interested in writing to him, please do. Even though you don't know him, it would still mean the world for him to get a letter from anyone.
Here is the address:
Lcpl. Zachary Evans
3/5 Marines K Co.
Unit 40390
FPO/AP 96427-0390
10 November 2010
09 November 2010
Tears are dripping down my face as I sit here. And for once in the last few months, they are happy tears. The kind of tears that come if you are overwhelmed with emotion. Overwhelmed with love. Overwhelmed with goodness. Overwhelmed by God.
He is so good. I am just so amazed and astonished by him right now. My life is still in complete chaotic shambles, but I am seeing his hand on it all. I am seeing as he is in the process of healing my little heart. As he is showing me my worth and value in his eyes. As he is blowing all my expectations out of the water in so many ways. As he is working in the life of a friend as she struggles with her deepest fears and doubts. As he works in the life of a friend as she learns to be vulnerable and true to herself. As he works in the life of a friend as he smacks her in the face time and time again getting her to turn back to him. I have never experienced this before in my life. Never have all of my friends and I been so open and raw about what God is doing in our lives. I love it. Even if what we have to say is not good or encouraging, we are being open. We are seeking fellowship and accountability. We are not hiding our problems or fears or struggles, but coming together as sisters encouraging and loving one another. This is what it is supposed to look like. This is what friendship is. This is what community is. I would go as far as to say this is what church is supposed to look like. A body of believers coming together, doing life together, loving one another unconditionally.
And I can't get enough of it.
He is so good. I am just so amazed and astonished by him right now. My life is still in complete chaotic shambles, but I am seeing his hand on it all. I am seeing as he is in the process of healing my little heart. As he is showing me my worth and value in his eyes. As he is blowing all my expectations out of the water in so many ways. As he is working in the life of a friend as she struggles with her deepest fears and doubts. As he works in the life of a friend as she learns to be vulnerable and true to herself. As he works in the life of a friend as he smacks her in the face time and time again getting her to turn back to him. I have never experienced this before in my life. Never have all of my friends and I been so open and raw about what God is doing in our lives. I love it. Even if what we have to say is not good or encouraging, we are being open. We are seeking fellowship and accountability. We are not hiding our problems or fears or struggles, but coming together as sisters encouraging and loving one another. This is what it is supposed to look like. This is what friendship is. This is what community is. I would go as far as to say this is what church is supposed to look like. A body of believers coming together, doing life together, loving one another unconditionally.
And I can't get enough of it.
faith without action is dead
I am sitting here, drinking lukewarm, over-steeped peppermint tea (don't you hate when you are waiting for it to cool, but then forget!?), listening to some newly-downloaded music suggested by a really great guy, and doing some serious thinking.
I really love being a Theology major. I love seeing my faith challenged at deeper levels and solidified by further understanding. Recently, in all my Dr. Kim classes, we have been discussing the trouble of justification and faith/faithfulness within Scripture. I think it echos wonders what is going on in my life and the lives of those whom I love.
Sidetrack.
My new-most-favorite book of the Bible is James. James is like two pages long, but is chock-full of good stuff. Seriously. James uses the most concise words and ideas to get across what Christianity is/isn't. What it looks like to be a faithful Christian.
James is where we get great verses like 1:27:: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (One of my favs and a key verse for Zimbabwe 2011).
James 1:19:: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
James 3:5:: "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
And the key verse for this blog post: James 2:17-18:: "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.”
So back to justification. Many theologians think that James contradicts Paul's view of justification by faith alone (that our faith is not justified by our actions). I can see how on the surface this seems contracting. James pushes that faith without action is dead. While Paul argues that once someone believes in Christ as Savior, he is saved forever; James says that there is no point to faith if our actions don't convey what we say we believe.
I agree with both. I think they go hand-in-hand. Yes, Paul is right. Once we believe and proclaim Christ as Lord, we are saved. However, the Spirit is also alive and working in the lives of the believing. James is arguing that those who's lives aren't changed by their faith in Jesus Christ don't really have that faith. BECAUSE our faith in Christ should be marked by significant life-change. We are called to lay down our lives and take up our cross... following him at every step of the way. If we say with our mouths that we believe Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose again, but it doesn't change the way we live, then it is crap. Proclaiming Christ as Savior and King is a radical, life-changing step. It takes action and not laziness to live the way Christ calls us to (to imitate him). Many translations translate the Greek word "pistis" as "faith," however, Dr. Kim argues that it should be translated "faithfulness." While to some, the difference here is insignificant, it makes wayy more sense as "faithfulness" to see how James and Paul were really on the same page.
Think about a marriage. While you may have faith that your hubby or wife won't cheat on you or leave you, it really takes you being faithful to your spouse for anything to come out of that faith. Just to believe that is one thing, but to take action and remain faithful to the one you love is a whole different story.
James calls for the same thing. While we may believe in Christ, we need to take action and remain faithful to him-- allowing the Spirit to be fruitful in our lives (Galatians 5). To show this faith is to experience transformational life-change. To be willing to be faithful to God and the life he calls us to.
So what does this mean?
It means that yes:: we must believe that Christ is Lord. That he is fully God and fully man. That he came to earth to live a sinless life of love, take on the sin of the world and die a painful, horrible, death apart from God. And that he left all of that nasty, gross sin in the grave as he rose again and ascended into heaven, offering us a life of completion.
But it also means that that isn't all. After we truly believe this with our whole hearts God sends the Spirit within us to convict us and dwell among us. The fruit of the Spirit in our lives is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Believing in Christ means life-change. It means we are willing to allow God to come in us and wreck us. To mess us up, only to fix us and make us whole again in him alone. And the fruit of that will be seen in our actions. We will be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.
This is how we will change the world. To shine the light of the ONE who IS light constantly. Always showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to the darkness in the world will turn the darkness into light.
We can't just keep saying we believe. We must start LIVING AS IF WE BELIEVE. We must sanctify ourselves-- make ourselves holy. We must draw closer to him. Laying down our lives in holy, worship and submission to the King of kings. We must become last. We must become humble.
It is then we will transform the world around us. It is only then that God can use us for his greater purpose.
Read the book of James. It is tucked away after Hebrews and before all the tiny books of Peter and John. :)
On a sidenote: I have a wonderful guy in my life. He is like a breath of fresh air. I wish I had words to describe, but I don't. And for once....... I love not having the words.
I really love being a Theology major. I love seeing my faith challenged at deeper levels and solidified by further understanding. Recently, in all my Dr. Kim classes, we have been discussing the trouble of justification and faith/faithfulness within Scripture. I think it echos wonders what is going on in my life and the lives of those whom I love.
Sidetrack.
My new-most-favorite book of the Bible is James. James is like two pages long, but is chock-full of good stuff. Seriously. James uses the most concise words and ideas to get across what Christianity is/isn't. What it looks like to be a faithful Christian.
James is where we get great verses like 1:27:: "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." (One of my favs and a key verse for Zimbabwe 2011).
James 1:19:: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry."
James 3:5:: "Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark."
And the key verse for this blog post: James 2:17-18:: "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. But someone will say, ‘You have faith; I have deeds.’ Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do.”
So back to justification. Many theologians think that James contradicts Paul's view of justification by faith alone (that our faith is not justified by our actions). I can see how on the surface this seems contracting. James pushes that faith without action is dead. While Paul argues that once someone believes in Christ as Savior, he is saved forever; James says that there is no point to faith if our actions don't convey what we say we believe.
I agree with both. I think they go hand-in-hand. Yes, Paul is right. Once we believe and proclaim Christ as Lord, we are saved. However, the Spirit is also alive and working in the lives of the believing. James is arguing that those who's lives aren't changed by their faith in Jesus Christ don't really have that faith. BECAUSE our faith in Christ should be marked by significant life-change. We are called to lay down our lives and take up our cross... following him at every step of the way. If we say with our mouths that we believe Jesus Christ died for our sins and rose again, but it doesn't change the way we live, then it is crap. Proclaiming Christ as Savior and King is a radical, life-changing step. It takes action and not laziness to live the way Christ calls us to (to imitate him). Many translations translate the Greek word "pistis" as "faith," however, Dr. Kim argues that it should be translated "faithfulness." While to some, the difference here is insignificant, it makes wayy more sense as "faithfulness" to see how James and Paul were really on the same page.
Think about a marriage. While you may have faith that your hubby or wife won't cheat on you or leave you, it really takes you being faithful to your spouse for anything to come out of that faith. Just to believe that is one thing, but to take action and remain faithful to the one you love is a whole different story.
James calls for the same thing. While we may believe in Christ, we need to take action and remain faithful to him-- allowing the Spirit to be fruitful in our lives (Galatians 5). To show this faith is to experience transformational life-change. To be willing to be faithful to God and the life he calls us to.
So what does this mean?
It means that yes:: we must believe that Christ is Lord. That he is fully God and fully man. That he came to earth to live a sinless life of love, take on the sin of the world and die a painful, horrible, death apart from God. And that he left all of that nasty, gross sin in the grave as he rose again and ascended into heaven, offering us a life of completion.
But it also means that that isn't all. After we truly believe this with our whole hearts God sends the Spirit within us to convict us and dwell among us. The fruit of the Spirit in our lives is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Believing in Christ means life-change. It means we are willing to allow God to come in us and wreck us. To mess us up, only to fix us and make us whole again in him alone. And the fruit of that will be seen in our actions. We will be loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled.
This is how we will change the world. To shine the light of the ONE who IS light constantly. Always showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control to the darkness in the world will turn the darkness into light.
We can't just keep saying we believe. We must start LIVING AS IF WE BELIEVE. We must sanctify ourselves-- make ourselves holy. We must draw closer to him. Laying down our lives in holy, worship and submission to the King of kings. We must become last. We must become humble.
It is then we will transform the world around us. It is only then that God can use us for his greater purpose.
Read the book of James. It is tucked away after Hebrews and before all the tiny books of Peter and John. :)
On a sidenote: I have a wonderful guy in my life. He is like a breath of fresh air. I wish I had words to describe, but I don't. And for once....... I love not having the words.
08 November 2010
facebook fast number two
If you are a facebook creeper, or are a long time follower of my blog (okay, that was sarcastic), then you will probably remember that I gave up facebook for lent. For forty days I avoided my creeping addiction and abstained from the false, superficial relationships that facebook offers. Instead, I invested my time in real relationships with people whom I love.
I really loved the break I got from the fbook. I mean, I do realize that I could just stop getting on for 583 minutes everyday, but it is a little harder than that for me. It truly is an addiction. A definite problem. So, a few months ago I looked up when Advent began, so I could give up fbook for another forty days. Turns out, Advent begins on November 14-- exactly forty days before Christmas, the day we symbolically celebrate Jesus' birth.
So, on November 14 at midnight, I will be abstaining from facebook. I will avoid the blue and white pages and even avoid asking my fellow fbook addict best friends about what is happening there. Therefore, for all of you who contact me solely on facebook (because you know that is one of the best ways), I will make it a point to answer phone calls/text messages/ emails. :) And, of course, I will be blogging a lot.
AND I will be reading the entire Bible. In 40 days. Yes. It is going to be a lot of reading. But I am really excited to just surround myself in the Word. :) And do a lot of praying. And journaling. Maybe I'll buy myself one of those Advent Calendars that gives you a piece of chocolate for everyday before Christmas. Yes. That does sound like a delicious idea. :)
Here is the Bible reading plan I am using in case anyone is interested in joining. :) (remember this one was for 2009, so the dates have obviously changed).
http://reconcenter.com/index.php/2009/11/16/40-days-read-the-bible/
I really loved the break I got from the fbook. I mean, I do realize that I could just stop getting on for 583 minutes everyday, but it is a little harder than that for me. It truly is an addiction. A definite problem. So, a few months ago I looked up when Advent began, so I could give up fbook for another forty days. Turns out, Advent begins on November 14-- exactly forty days before Christmas, the day we symbolically celebrate Jesus' birth.
So, on November 14 at midnight, I will be abstaining from facebook. I will avoid the blue and white pages and even avoid asking my fellow fbook addict best friends about what is happening there. Therefore, for all of you who contact me solely on facebook (because you know that is one of the best ways), I will make it a point to answer phone calls/text messages/ emails. :) And, of course, I will be blogging a lot.
AND I will be reading the entire Bible. In 40 days. Yes. It is going to be a lot of reading. But I am really excited to just surround myself in the Word. :) And do a lot of praying. And journaling. Maybe I'll buy myself one of those Advent Calendars that gives you a piece of chocolate for everyday before Christmas. Yes. That does sound like a delicious idea. :)
Here is the Bible reading plan I am using in case anyone is interested in joining. :) (remember this one was for 2009, so the dates have obviously changed).
http://reconcenter.com/index.php/2009/11/16/40-days-read-the-bible/
04 November 2010
where you go I'll go.
We sang this song in chapel today... oh how my little heart needed this encouragement:
I have been struggling in the last few days with understanding and feeling God's nudgings in my life. I was reading through John 10 earlier this week. In this passage, Jesus makes it plain and simple what our calling is to do: Follow him. Follow him... the Good Shepherd. The one who promises everlasting life. Don't get tricked by the false, bad shepherds, but keep your eyes glued to THE Good Shepherd.
The tricky thing is that sometimes my ideas and ways don't align with God's. I feel like God is giving me opportunities to hold my friends accountable and speak into their lives, but when I try to act on it, things fall apart. I need to be willing to trust in the Big Man to do the leading. Like this song says,
"Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your spirit."
I need to follow him. Margaret (my awesome, great, wonderful boss), puts it wonderfully in one of her books that we need to glue our little foreheads into God's shoulder blades-- walking so close behind him that we are literally breathing in his scent, feeling his heartbeat, and walking in step with him. So often I find myself saying, "God, I think this is a better direction..." and peeling my eyes off of him, wandering from the One who promises greener pastures. It is then I find myself stumbling in the darkness. Running into walls, tripping over obstacles, getting myself into webs--so tangled up, it takes him searching, longing for me... his lost sheep... to come to my rescue.
So instead of wandering off in the darkness without his guidance and leading... I need to wait for him to move. I need to wait to have the tough conversations until I feel the Spirit's guidance. I need to wait to confront people until I am sure it was his idea first. I need to prayerfully consider my decisions and actions as a reflection of his character. "Where you go, I'll go..."
I wrote this in my journal today: "We continually sin and eff up and then try and run back into your arms. Day after day we do this. Prayer after prayer. How annoying for you. I mean, your love surpasses my own, but hearing me call for a new life and repentance day in and out then return to turning my back to you." It seems rather ridiculous. I am seeing this in the lives of some people I care for. They are set on correcting their wrongs, continue in sin, then return to repentance saying the same thing again. From my human point of view, this is obnoxious and hypocritical. No wonder non-Christians find Christianity so unbelievable.
Today, God was reminding me how much he sees this same cycle. The cycle of sin, repentance, forgiveness, sin, etc... etc... etc... Yet he continues to forgive, save, redeem, restore, forgive, save, redeem, restore, forgive, save, redeem, restore... etc... While my human heart can only take so much, his is infinite. Yet, we continue to hurt and break our Father's heart-- the one who really does love us unconditionally. Why would we purposefully fall further from him? If we really understand the life that he offers us, why would we run first chance we get? We are so used to cheap grace and cheap love. As humans, we have this idea that the best love we can receive is human love. False. God's love is so much greater. His grace is so much more pure.
Follow him. Follow the one who offers the unending love and grace. The one who wants to guide you with his easy yoke and light burden. The one who forgives, but also convicts. Who loves us enough to catch us in our sin so that we don't fall further from him. Chase after him. Take up your cross and follow him.
Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
Where You go I go
What You say I say
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your spirit
So How could I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You are always good
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
So How could I expect to walk without You
When every move that Jesus made was in surrender
I will not begin to live without You
For You alone are worthy and You are always good
You are always good
La, la, la, la
Oh, the beauty of Your name will be seen upon my face, Oh, God
La la la la
Oh, the glory of Your name will be seen upon our face, Oh, God
Though the world sees and soon forgets
We will not forget who You are and what You've done for us
And what You've done for us
And Though the world sees and soon forgets
We will not forget what You've done for us
La la la la
La la la
Where You go I go
What You say I say God
And what You pray I pray
And what You pray I pray
I will follow You yeah,
In this desert life, I will follow You
Whatever comes my way
Through every situation, I will follow You
To the unknown, to the unsaved
Give me a heart of no compromise
I have been struggling in the last few days with understanding and feeling God's nudgings in my life. I was reading through John 10 earlier this week. In this passage, Jesus makes it plain and simple what our calling is to do: Follow him. Follow him... the Good Shepherd. The one who promises everlasting life. Don't get tricked by the false, bad shepherds, but keep your eyes glued to THE Good Shepherd.
The tricky thing is that sometimes my ideas and ways don't align with God's. I feel like God is giving me opportunities to hold my friends accountable and speak into their lives, but when I try to act on it, things fall apart. I need to be willing to trust in the Big Man to do the leading. Like this song says,
"Cause Jesus only did what He saw You do
And He would only say what He heard You speak
And He would only move when He felt You lead
Following Your heart following Your spirit."
I need to follow him. Margaret (my awesome, great, wonderful boss), puts it wonderfully in one of her books that we need to glue our little foreheads into God's shoulder blades-- walking so close behind him that we are literally breathing in his scent, feeling his heartbeat, and walking in step with him. So often I find myself saying, "God, I think this is a better direction..." and peeling my eyes off of him, wandering from the One who promises greener pastures. It is then I find myself stumbling in the darkness. Running into walls, tripping over obstacles, getting myself into webs--so tangled up, it takes him searching, longing for me... his lost sheep... to come to my rescue.
So instead of wandering off in the darkness without his guidance and leading... I need to wait for him to move. I need to wait to have the tough conversations until I feel the Spirit's guidance. I need to wait to confront people until I am sure it was his idea first. I need to prayerfully consider my decisions and actions as a reflection of his character. "Where you go, I'll go..."
I wrote this in my journal today: "We continually sin and eff up and then try and run back into your arms. Day after day we do this. Prayer after prayer. How annoying for you. I mean, your love surpasses my own, but hearing me call for a new life and repentance day in and out then return to turning my back to you." It seems rather ridiculous. I am seeing this in the lives of some people I care for. They are set on correcting their wrongs, continue in sin, then return to repentance saying the same thing again. From my human point of view, this is obnoxious and hypocritical. No wonder non-Christians find Christianity so unbelievable.
Today, God was reminding me how much he sees this same cycle. The cycle of sin, repentance, forgiveness, sin, etc... etc... etc... Yet he continues to forgive, save, redeem, restore, forgive, save, redeem, restore, forgive, save, redeem, restore... etc... While my human heart can only take so much, his is infinite. Yet, we continue to hurt and break our Father's heart-- the one who really does love us unconditionally. Why would we purposefully fall further from him? If we really understand the life that he offers us, why would we run first chance we get? We are so used to cheap grace and cheap love. As humans, we have this idea that the best love we can receive is human love. False. God's love is so much greater. His grace is so much more pure.
Follow him. Follow the one who offers the unending love and grace. The one who wants to guide you with his easy yoke and light burden. The one who forgives, but also convicts. Who loves us enough to catch us in our sin so that we don't fall further from him. Chase after him. Take up your cross and follow him.
A Lot of Things You Probably Did Not Know (or Want to Know) About Jessica
I love the feeling of flossing. I just love it!
My favorite part of a bagel is the bottom half. Especially if it has corn meal on it. :)
I am obsessed with multiples of 5. If one of those is not an option, then odd numbers, please. Anything but even (except ones that end in "0").
I take most of my showers in the dark. It is my getaway. I shower when I am sad, mad, wanting to fall asleep, wanting to wake up, need to be relaxed, procrastinating, thinking, crying, ...basically anything. Which is why I usually take more than one shower in a day. It is just my place.
I never answer my phone. Pretty much ever. I screen my calls. Then, sometimes, I listen to the voice mail. Rarely do I call back. It is not because I don't like you. I just HATE talking on the phone. I have gotten better at it (I used to actually fear speaking on the phone and would avoid it at all costs!). Texts work (usually). Emails work (pretty well).
I love getting massages. Except only if they are deep tissue-- none of that sissy stuff.
I am constantly editing. Fixing grammar, finding misspellings, etc... (Of course, since I wrote that, I am going to spell something wrong in this post so someone can correct me). :) My biggest pet peeve that people say is "why" instead of "while." Example: I went to the store why my husband was watching the kids. Now, people don't usually write this or type this, but, my gosh, people say it all the time. Yuck!
I am becoming more and more aware of the cliches that I use and that the people around me use. Starting to bug me.
I am learning more and more that all I want to do with my life is love people. None of this real life 9-5 crap. I just want to love Jesus and love people. I want to read everything I can get my hands on about Jesus. I want to serve people until I can't move any longer.
I love the nitty-gritty (there I go with the cliches again...) stuff in the Bible. I love learning the original greek/hebrew/latin words and how they translate. I love reading commentaries and diving into the context of it all. I just love the Bible.
When I am stressed I just cry. A lot.
I love hardcore movies. My top favorites are (in order): 300, Gladiator, Blood Diamond, Inception, Troy, LOTR, Star Wars, Avatar, Transformers, Star Trek, X-Men.
I have a strange and terrible addiction to cherry coke zero. Addicted.
If you want to put me to sleep or make me the happiest girl in the world, play with my hair. One of the best feelings everrr.
My favorite part of a bagel is the bottom half. Especially if it has corn meal on it. :)
I am obsessed with multiples of 5. If one of those is not an option, then odd numbers, please. Anything but even (except ones that end in "0").
I take most of my showers in the dark. It is my getaway. I shower when I am sad, mad, wanting to fall asleep, wanting to wake up, need to be relaxed, procrastinating, thinking, crying, ...basically anything. Which is why I usually take more than one shower in a day. It is just my place.
I never answer my phone. Pretty much ever. I screen my calls. Then, sometimes, I listen to the voice mail. Rarely do I call back. It is not because I don't like you. I just HATE talking on the phone. I have gotten better at it (I used to actually fear speaking on the phone and would avoid it at all costs!). Texts work (usually). Emails work (pretty well).
I love getting massages. Except only if they are deep tissue-- none of that sissy stuff.
I am constantly editing. Fixing grammar, finding misspellings, etc... (Of course, since I wrote that, I am going to spell something wrong in this post so someone can correct me). :) My biggest pet peeve that people say is "why" instead of "while." Example: I went to the store why my husband was watching the kids. Now, people don't usually write this or type this, but, my gosh, people say it all the time. Yuck!
I am becoming more and more aware of the cliches that I use and that the people around me use. Starting to bug me.
I am learning more and more that all I want to do with my life is love people. None of this real life 9-5 crap. I just want to love Jesus and love people. I want to read everything I can get my hands on about Jesus. I want to serve people until I can't move any longer.
I love the nitty-gritty (there I go with the cliches again...) stuff in the Bible. I love learning the original greek/hebrew/latin words and how they translate. I love reading commentaries and diving into the context of it all. I just love the Bible.
When I am stressed I just cry. A lot.
I love hardcore movies. My top favorites are (in order): 300, Gladiator, Blood Diamond, Inception, Troy, LOTR, Star Wars, Avatar, Transformers, Star Trek, X-Men.
I have a strange and terrible addiction to cherry coke zero. Addicted.
If you want to put me to sleep or make me the happiest girl in the world, play with my hair. One of the best feelings everrr.
03 November 2010
Broken and Beautiful
Lately, I have had two people ask me tough questions about Christianity. The truth is... I don't have all the answers. But I am okay admitting that. One of the cool things that I love about God is the fact that I will NEVER fully understand his mind or his will or his way. Ever. It is impossible for me to fathom his goodness, his love, his reasoning. His wisdom is too lofty for me to obtain. (Psalm 139:6).
If you know me, you know that I love to know the answers. I love to have lots of random tidbits of information or random facts floating around in my head. I loveee trivia and usually know at least a little about everything.
But, for some reason... I am okay and content not understanding God fully. It is almost comforting to not have to know all the answers because Someone else has it all figured out. While I will never really understand why bad things happen to good people or why there is sin in the world or be able to comprehend the trinity... I am content. I trust the One, true God who IS wisdom. Who IS goodness. Who IS love. He has a plan. He has a purpose. And I am lucky enough to be used by him.
That is faith. Hebrews 11:1:: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." While I can never fully understand or comprehend his wisdom or plan, I have faith that He is God. He is the Creator.
With everything that is going on in my life over the last eight months I have learned the importance and significance of faith. When my whole world seems to be shattering down around me, I am beginning to see the glory of God shine from beneath. Picture a beautiful, unlived in room. It has a glass ceiling overhead and beautiful furniture covering the room. However, if you look under the rug or in between the couch cushions, there is dirt and dust and grime everywhere. At first glance, you only see the beauty, but on closer investigation the room is actually dirty and disgusting. This is the picture of my life from eight or so months ago. From first glance, I had it all together. I knew all the right answers, was heading the right direction, had the perfect relationship and friendships and relationship with Jesus. On closer look, you saw all the dirt I had shoved under the rug. All the crap shoved into the closets. All the cracks in my little glass ceiling.
And eight months have made it all crash down. Those cracks turned into large gaping holes. My closet doors were busted open and spewed my crap everywhere for the world to see. I am no longer trying to hide the dirt and grime in my life. I am being vulnerable and broken.
But God is still good.
If you look at my life as this room now, I am starting to piece it together. I am starting to put pictures back up on the wall. I am starting to sweep away the pain and brokenness and actually get rid of it. Not just bandage it together with duct tape or crazy glue, but really, actually sort through it and realize why I am hurting and why I am bothered by some things. I am seeing God's glory shine through all my broken pieces. His light reflecting off of the shattered glass. The shadow of his beauty and goodness rest over me. Even though I have been broken and rubbed raw, God is still showing himself as good. I am beginning to see his bigger purpose. While at the time, I didn't understand the reason for hurting and for my life crashing down... I am just beginning to witness his glory. That he is using my life for his greater purpose.
And God is still healing me. He is holding my hand as I sort through the broken pieces in my life. He is helping me hang new pictures and create a new ceiling. This room is beginning to look more lived in. More real. Open about brokenness. Vulnerable. Ready and willing to lead out of brokenness.
And God is still blessing me. He is giving me real and beautiful relationships. He is using his divine, infinite knowledge and giving me the opportunity for crucial conversations, for crucial relationships, and for happiness. Even though I had one helllll of a 2010, he is reminding me... "Jessica, I have something so good and so great and so unfathomable planned for you. Quit holding on to the things of the past. Cling to me. Hold on to me. I will lead you in the way of the everlasting. I don't promise it will be painless, but I do promise that I will be with you. I will guide you. Just follow me. You are worthy and beautiful and valuable to me, therefore I will bless you with friends and relationships so they show you your worth, beauty, and value."
Have I told you how good of a God I have? Because he is pretty flippin good. :)
If you know me, you know that I love to know the answers. I love to have lots of random tidbits of information or random facts floating around in my head. I loveee trivia and usually know at least a little about everything.
But, for some reason... I am okay and content not understanding God fully. It is almost comforting to not have to know all the answers because Someone else has it all figured out. While I will never really understand why bad things happen to good people or why there is sin in the world or be able to comprehend the trinity... I am content. I trust the One, true God who IS wisdom. Who IS goodness. Who IS love. He has a plan. He has a purpose. And I am lucky enough to be used by him.
That is faith. Hebrews 11:1:: "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." While I can never fully understand or comprehend his wisdom or plan, I have faith that He is God. He is the Creator.
With everything that is going on in my life over the last eight months I have learned the importance and significance of faith. When my whole world seems to be shattering down around me, I am beginning to see the glory of God shine from beneath. Picture a beautiful, unlived in room. It has a glass ceiling overhead and beautiful furniture covering the room. However, if you look under the rug or in between the couch cushions, there is dirt and dust and grime everywhere. At first glance, you only see the beauty, but on closer investigation the room is actually dirty and disgusting. This is the picture of my life from eight or so months ago. From first glance, I had it all together. I knew all the right answers, was heading the right direction, had the perfect relationship and friendships and relationship with Jesus. On closer look, you saw all the dirt I had shoved under the rug. All the crap shoved into the closets. All the cracks in my little glass ceiling.
And eight months have made it all crash down. Those cracks turned into large gaping holes. My closet doors were busted open and spewed my crap everywhere for the world to see. I am no longer trying to hide the dirt and grime in my life. I am being vulnerable and broken.
But God is still good.
If you look at my life as this room now, I am starting to piece it together. I am starting to put pictures back up on the wall. I am starting to sweep away the pain and brokenness and actually get rid of it. Not just bandage it together with duct tape or crazy glue, but really, actually sort through it and realize why I am hurting and why I am bothered by some things. I am seeing God's glory shine through all my broken pieces. His light reflecting off of the shattered glass. The shadow of his beauty and goodness rest over me. Even though I have been broken and rubbed raw, God is still showing himself as good. I am beginning to see his bigger purpose. While at the time, I didn't understand the reason for hurting and for my life crashing down... I am just beginning to witness his glory. That he is using my life for his greater purpose.
And God is still healing me. He is holding my hand as I sort through the broken pieces in my life. He is helping me hang new pictures and create a new ceiling. This room is beginning to look more lived in. More real. Open about brokenness. Vulnerable. Ready and willing to lead out of brokenness.
And God is still blessing me. He is giving me real and beautiful relationships. He is using his divine, infinite knowledge and giving me the opportunity for crucial conversations, for crucial relationships, and for happiness. Even though I had one helllll of a 2010, he is reminding me... "Jessica, I have something so good and so great and so unfathomable planned for you. Quit holding on to the things of the past. Cling to me. Hold on to me. I will lead you in the way of the everlasting. I don't promise it will be painless, but I do promise that I will be with you. I will guide you. Just follow me. You are worthy and beautiful and valuable to me, therefore I will bless you with friends and relationships so they show you your worth, beauty, and value."
Have I told you how good of a God I have? Because he is pretty flippin good. :)
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