This is what I journaled on May 15, 2010:
Your creation is beautiful. I know this full well. The people you created are gorgeous. There isn't one that doesn't have your fingerprint. They are stunning and loved. By the most high God. You love well. You love perfectly. You love with the heart of a parent. You desire to protect us and hold us and keep us from danger. You desire to bless us and provide for us. You love us despite our shortcomings or insecurities. We are imperfect, yet are loved by the One, the Lord alone. He cares enough to create us... Cell by cell you blessed us. You dreamed about me and my personality and my person. You knew me before I knew myself. You are perfect- the creator of all things, yet your creations chose evil. We chose choices over resting and waiting patiently in the love of our God. We chose destruction and now are swept up in the consequences. The wake of the first sin carries us further and further from your perfection and goodness.
Yet you still love us. Still you wait for us. Still you call my name in the desert and wilderness and whisper sweet mornings to me. You never stop pursuing me. Your grace is enough for me. When I am made weak, then you are strong.
May my smiles be genuine. May my joy be real. May I walk patiently, seeking your face constantly. May I boast in my weaknesses and brokenness because Jesus feeds out of scarcity. When I am weak, THEN you are strong.
10 May 2011
09 May 2011
And the adventure begins...
In about 3 hours, I will be gathering with friends and family. Prayers will be lifted up for the nine of us who are heading to Zimbabwe.
I'm terrified. Nervous. Anxious. Excited.
Pretty much everything imaginable.
But God is so good. And he is so faithful.
Check out Fountain of Hope here....
https://sites.google.com/a/wcacentre.org/fountain-of-hope/
Your prayers are so appreciated. Thank you for being my people. I love you all dearly.
I'm terrified. Nervous. Anxious. Excited.
Pretty much everything imaginable.
But God is so good. And he is so faithful.
Check out Fountain of Hope here....
https://sites.google.com/a/wcacentre.org/fountain-of-hope/
Your prayers are so appreciated. Thank you for being my people. I love you all dearly.
zim itinerary
Itinerary:
10 MAY - TUESDAY
12:55 am – Depart DIA heading to JFK (Jet Blue Flt #98)
6:32 am – Arrive JFK
11:15 am – Depart JFK for Johannesburg (South African Air Flt #204)
(Flight time – 15 hours 20 min)
11 MAY - WEDNESDAY
8:35 am – Arrive Johannesburg
10:40 am – Depart Johannesburg heading to Bulawayo (South Africa Flt# 8110)
12:05 pm – Arrive Bulawayo – Picked up by representative from Fountain of Hope
12 MAY - THURSDAY
In Bulawayo
13 MAY - FRIDAY
In Mthombothemba (Gideon’s home base) - Feeding Program / House Church
14 MAY - SATURDAY
In Mthombothemba – Children’s Ministry
15 MAY - SUNDAY
In Mthombothemba – Church
16 MAY - MONDAY
Rest
17 MAY - TUESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Feeding Program / House Church
18 MAY - WEDNESDAY
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids
19 MAY - THURSDAY
In Mthombothemba – Pathfinder / Cherish
Peniel Center – Study with kids
20 MAY - FRIDAY
Travel to Plumtree (Southwest - almost to border of Botswana)
21 MAY - SATURDAY
In Plumtree- Ministry
22 MAY - SUNDAY
In Plumtree – Church
23 MAY - MONDAY
Rest
24 MAY - TUESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Feeding Program / House Church
25 MAY - WEDNESDAY
In Mthombothemba -Feeding Program
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids
26 MAY - THURSDAY
In Mthombothemba – Pathfinder / Cherish
Peniel Center – Study with kids
27 MAY - FRIDAY
Peniel Center – Kids Camp
28 MAY - SATURDAY
Peniel Center – Kids Camp
29 MAY - SUNDAY
In Mthombothemba – Church
30 MAY - MONDAY
Travel to Victoria Falls (North to Zambia Border)
31 MAY - TUESDAY
Travel to Bulawayo from Victoria Falls
1 June - WEDNESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Farewell
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids - Farewell
2 JUNE - THURSDAY
9:00 am - to Airport
12:50 pm – Flight departs Bulawayo for Johannesburg (South Africa Flt# 8111)
2:25 pm – Arrive Johannesburg
8:35 pm – Depart Johannesburg for JFK (South Africa Flt# 203)
(Flight time – 16 hours 5 min)
3 JUNE - FRIDAY
6:40 am – Arrive JFK
6:59 pm – Depart JFK for Denver (Jet Blue Flt# 97)
9:51 pm – Arrive DIA
10 MAY - TUESDAY
12:55 am – Depart DIA heading to JFK (Jet Blue Flt #98)
6:32 am – Arrive JFK
11:15 am – Depart JFK for Johannesburg (South African Air Flt #204)
(Flight time – 15 hours 20 min)
11 MAY - WEDNESDAY
8:35 am – Arrive Johannesburg
10:40 am – Depart Johannesburg heading to Bulawayo (South Africa Flt# 8110)
12:05 pm – Arrive Bulawayo – Picked up by representative from Fountain of Hope
12 MAY - THURSDAY
In Bulawayo
13 MAY - FRIDAY
In Mthombothemba (Gideon’s home base) - Feeding Program / House Church
14 MAY - SATURDAY
In Mthombothemba – Children’s Ministry
15 MAY - SUNDAY
In Mthombothemba – Church
16 MAY - MONDAY
Rest
17 MAY - TUESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Feeding Program / House Church
18 MAY - WEDNESDAY
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids
19 MAY - THURSDAY
In Mthombothemba – Pathfinder / Cherish
Peniel Center – Study with kids
20 MAY - FRIDAY
Travel to Plumtree (Southwest - almost to border of Botswana)
21 MAY - SATURDAY
In Plumtree- Ministry
22 MAY - SUNDAY
In Plumtree – Church
23 MAY - MONDAY
Rest
24 MAY - TUESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Feeding Program / House Church
25 MAY - WEDNESDAY
In Mthombothemba -Feeding Program
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids
26 MAY - THURSDAY
In Mthombothemba – Pathfinder / Cherish
Peniel Center – Study with kids
27 MAY - FRIDAY
Peniel Center – Kids Camp
28 MAY - SATURDAY
Peniel Center – Kids Camp
29 MAY - SUNDAY
In Mthombothemba – Church
30 MAY - MONDAY
Travel to Victoria Falls (North to Zambia Border)
31 MAY - TUESDAY
Travel to Bulawayo from Victoria Falls
1 June - WEDNESDAY
In Mthombothemba - Farewell
Peniel Center – Minister to staff and kids - Farewell
2 JUNE - THURSDAY
9:00 am - to Airport
12:50 pm – Flight departs Bulawayo for Johannesburg (South Africa Flt# 8111)
2:25 pm – Arrive Johannesburg
8:35 pm – Depart Johannesburg for JFK (South Africa Flt# 203)
(Flight time – 16 hours 5 min)
3 JUNE - FRIDAY
6:40 am – Arrive JFK
6:59 pm – Depart JFK for Denver (Jet Blue Flt# 97)
9:51 pm – Arrive DIA
26 April 2011
13 days
There is something funny about traveling. It is always bittersweet.
You don't want to leave you friends and family and loved ones... but you're so excited for the adventure ahead.
You don't want to leave your adventure... but you are excited to come home to your loved ones.
There is anticipation in the preparation, but as the day creeps closer, hearts become faint.
I have this picture in my head of a little kid finally allowed to wander on her own. She has been begging for this freedom for years, and jumps in the excitement of the adventure she is about to embark on-- whether that is being able to cross the street for the first time or ride a bike to a friends house. She starts to wander off... confidence in her step. But the more steps away from comfort that she takes, the heavier her feet become. The more she looks back. The more she starts second-guessing her decision for freedom in the first place. "Oh how wonderful my warm bed would feel right now." "Oh how I miss mom's warm embrace and smiling face."
Her pace slows as she begins to dilly-dally. Walking in place. Kicking a rock back and forth over the same square feet of concrete. She has drawn a picture in her head of the grandeur of adventure. The excitement of going off on her own... taking steps in the new world by herself.
But it is so much less than expected. The colors aren't nearly as bright and fanciful as she had dreamed. The air cold and harsh, not warm and welcoming. The empty stares of passerbyers instead of the warm smiles she had seen so clearly. She begins to turn back. Back to safety. Back to comfort. Back to the reality she had taken for granted.
But the funny thing is, life goes on without you. I know, shocking, right? The time spend pondering your adventure was probably time everyone else didn't think twice about it or you. Of course, there are rare exceptions. But for the most part... life goes on.
In 13 days, I will be on an airplane. An airplane that will take me thousands of miles away. And as I sit here and my stomach starts knotting up, I am second-guessing my decision for adventure. I have done this before. This adventure is not as glorified or as beautiful as I had originally anticipated it to be. It is impossible for my heart to really stay detached from the people I will meet and the suffering I will see. As hard as I try and shake it, Uganda won't leave my mind.
But when I got back from Uganda, I realized that life went on without me. Even better without me in some cases. No one else that I did life with was being haunted with the faces. The smiles. The tears. The pain. My relationships were devastated at that point. I was screaming from the inside for someone to understand me. For someone to really get what I was feeling. But no one did. You see, their lives went on as normal... living life in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Working. Going to school. Eating out. Laughing. Content.
In 13 days, I will be on an airplane. I will leave my friends, family, and loved ones once again. And they will keep going. Day in and day out... doing life as usual. For some, I will be a fleeting thought. And when I return, it will be as if nothing really changed for them. One more person to hang out with. One more person to do life with as usual.
But I'll be screaming. I'll be dying for someone to understand.
You don't want to leave you friends and family and loved ones... but you're so excited for the adventure ahead.
You don't want to leave your adventure... but you are excited to come home to your loved ones.
There is anticipation in the preparation, but as the day creeps closer, hearts become faint.
I have this picture in my head of a little kid finally allowed to wander on her own. She has been begging for this freedom for years, and jumps in the excitement of the adventure she is about to embark on-- whether that is being able to cross the street for the first time or ride a bike to a friends house. She starts to wander off... confidence in her step. But the more steps away from comfort that she takes, the heavier her feet become. The more she looks back. The more she starts second-guessing her decision for freedom in the first place. "Oh how wonderful my warm bed would feel right now." "Oh how I miss mom's warm embrace and smiling face."
Her pace slows as she begins to dilly-dally. Walking in place. Kicking a rock back and forth over the same square feet of concrete. She has drawn a picture in her head of the grandeur of adventure. The excitement of going off on her own... taking steps in the new world by herself.
But it is so much less than expected. The colors aren't nearly as bright and fanciful as she had dreamed. The air cold and harsh, not warm and welcoming. The empty stares of passerbyers instead of the warm smiles she had seen so clearly. She begins to turn back. Back to safety. Back to comfort. Back to the reality she had taken for granted.
But the funny thing is, life goes on without you. I know, shocking, right? The time spend pondering your adventure was probably time everyone else didn't think twice about it or you. Of course, there are rare exceptions. But for the most part... life goes on.
In 13 days, I will be on an airplane. An airplane that will take me thousands of miles away. And as I sit here and my stomach starts knotting up, I am second-guessing my decision for adventure. I have done this before. This adventure is not as glorified or as beautiful as I had originally anticipated it to be. It is impossible for my heart to really stay detached from the people I will meet and the suffering I will see. As hard as I try and shake it, Uganda won't leave my mind.
But when I got back from Uganda, I realized that life went on without me. Even better without me in some cases. No one else that I did life with was being haunted with the faces. The smiles. The tears. The pain. My relationships were devastated at that point. I was screaming from the inside for someone to understand me. For someone to really get what I was feeling. But no one did. You see, their lives went on as normal... living life in beautiful Denver, Colorado. Working. Going to school. Eating out. Laughing. Content.
In 13 days, I will be on an airplane. I will leave my friends, family, and loved ones once again. And they will keep going. Day in and day out... doing life as usual. For some, I will be a fleeting thought. And when I return, it will be as if nothing really changed for them. One more person to hang out with. One more person to do life with as usual.
But I'll be screaming. I'll be dying for someone to understand.
10 April 2011
My prayer today:
That I may feel discouraged, only so I become motivated to change the world. That I may cry, only to draw my heartbeat in line with his. That I may be sad, only to further my compassion and empathy for the lost and the marginalized. That I may feel overwhelmed... With only his love and grace. That I may be emptied, only to be filled again with him. That I may be broken, only to allow myself to decrease and him to increase. That I may hurt, only to move and act on my pain.
God alone deserves all of the glory and all of my praise. May I seek his face and follow his lead so intensely and passionately, that all selfishness fades away. He knows the way. He has a plan to use me to bring about his kingdom here on earth and to glorify him. May I rest in his arms-- fully trusting and breathing in the beautiful fragrance of his love. May I serve, despite the cost. May I love completely without conditions.
Lord, give me the strength. Your will... Not my own. Hold my hand. Comfort me in my sadness. Surround me with people who show me your character daily. May we walk as a body, expressing the grace and mercy you have shown us to everyone we know.
That I may feel discouraged, only so I become motivated to change the world. That I may cry, only to draw my heartbeat in line with his. That I may be sad, only to further my compassion and empathy for the lost and the marginalized. That I may feel overwhelmed... With only his love and grace. That I may be emptied, only to be filled again with him. That I may be broken, only to allow myself to decrease and him to increase. That I may hurt, only to move and act on my pain.
God alone deserves all of the glory and all of my praise. May I seek his face and follow his lead so intensely and passionately, that all selfishness fades away. He knows the way. He has a plan to use me to bring about his kingdom here on earth and to glorify him. May I rest in his arms-- fully trusting and breathing in the beautiful fragrance of his love. May I serve, despite the cost. May I love completely without conditions.
Lord, give me the strength. Your will... Not my own. Hold my hand. Comfort me in my sadness. Surround me with people who show me your character daily. May we walk as a body, expressing the grace and mercy you have shown us to everyone we know.
07 April 2011
cherry coke zero
I have an awful, terrible addiction to cherry coke zero.
This is strange because even 8 months ago, it had been 5+ years since I had even had any soda whatsoever. But then, I found something delicious in ccz. I can't get enough.
Except today, I was reading about Aspartame, and definitely got freaked out. Did you know that Aspartame is closely linked to multiple sclerosis? When people who have MS and also consume aspartame were taken off the aspartame, their symptoms disappeared. Just the fact that this artificial sweetener is even linked to MS at all is scary. As some of you know, MS hits home for me personally.
So, as of right now. I am not drinking anymore Cherry Coke Zero, or any other soda/drink/food sweetened artificially. Yikes. That is scary.
But not only is aspartame linked to diseases like cancer, MS, lupus, and fibromyalgia, it also isn't really "diet" at all. It increases carbohydrate cravings. It causes more formaldehyde to build up in your brain, your nervous system, and in your eyes (WTF!! Why would I want a nasty perservative chemical in my brain!?). It holds on to fat cells.
Anyways. This is just what is on my mind today. Just as our lives our not our own, our bodies aren't either. Yes, diet cherry coke may taste delicious... but if it is actually harming me, why would I want to put it in my body!?
Ironically, right before I sat down to get on the computer, I opened one of my sodas and drank half of it. Guess this guy is going down the drain.
I am going to head to Whole Foods now and see if I can find a soda sweetened by stevia-- an all-natural sweetener. :) I'll let you know my findings. :)
This is strange because even 8 months ago, it had been 5+ years since I had even had any soda whatsoever. But then, I found something delicious in ccz. I can't get enough.
Except today, I was reading about Aspartame, and definitely got freaked out. Did you know that Aspartame is closely linked to multiple sclerosis? When people who have MS and also consume aspartame were taken off the aspartame, their symptoms disappeared. Just the fact that this artificial sweetener is even linked to MS at all is scary. As some of you know, MS hits home for me personally.
So, as of right now. I am not drinking anymore Cherry Coke Zero, or any other soda/drink/food sweetened artificially. Yikes. That is scary.
But not only is aspartame linked to diseases like cancer, MS, lupus, and fibromyalgia, it also isn't really "diet" at all. It increases carbohydrate cravings. It causes more formaldehyde to build up in your brain, your nervous system, and in your eyes (WTF!! Why would I want a nasty perservative chemical in my brain!?). It holds on to fat cells.
Anyways. This is just what is on my mind today. Just as our lives our not our own, our bodies aren't either. Yes, diet cherry coke may taste delicious... but if it is actually harming me, why would I want to put it in my body!?
I am going to head to Whole Foods now and see if I can find a soda sweetened by stevia-- an all-natural sweetener. :) I'll let you know my findings. :)
06 April 2011
zim
So, I am sitting here overflowing with joy and overwhelmed with awe.
I saw Jesus tonight. In a way I haven't been able to feel him since I was in Uganda.
I saw Jesus in community.
Ten people. Ten hearts. Holding hands in a circle... sharing hearts about ministry and life and struggles and excitements. Praying with each other and for each other. Celebrating God's completely unknown will. Anxious at the thought of his wonderous plan. Unclenching. Letting go.
More of YOU, Jesus. Less of me.
Oh goodness, do I love my team! God has combined a group of people who's hearts beat for the exact same thing. We are truly one body-- with set giftings and talents. We are beautiful and precious. Jer. Jill. Siam. Rick. Rach. Amy. Andrew. Wendie. Adam.
My prayer tonight is that we strip all selfishness from ourselves and put on Jesus alone. That we may be filled to the fullest capacity with ONLY HIM. That we may unclench our fists and let go of our lives. We are not our own. May we seek sanctification and righteousness. May we hold one another accountible in love and respect. May we continue to seek God's face and heart alone. May our eyes be so attuned to following Jesus that our faces are buried in his shoulder blades. May we seek his will alone. May his still, small voice be constant and louder than anyother-- de-fogging our eyes and revealing his path and plan.
God is good. So good. He is living and so active. He is moving--in wonderful, beautiful ways. I just need to put myself aside and let him do his thing.
Thank you, my Jesus, for revealing your presence to us so clearly. You have your hand in all of this... and your will is perfect and it is good. May we rest and be comforted knowing this is the case. To you alone be ALL glory.
I saw Jesus tonight. In a way I haven't been able to feel him since I was in Uganda.
I saw Jesus in community.
Ten people. Ten hearts. Holding hands in a circle... sharing hearts about ministry and life and struggles and excitements. Praying with each other and for each other. Celebrating God's completely unknown will. Anxious at the thought of his wonderous plan. Unclenching. Letting go.
More of YOU, Jesus. Less of me.
Oh goodness, do I love my team! God has combined a group of people who's hearts beat for the exact same thing. We are truly one body-- with set giftings and talents. We are beautiful and precious. Jer. Jill. Siam. Rick. Rach. Amy. Andrew. Wendie. Adam.
My prayer tonight is that we strip all selfishness from ourselves and put on Jesus alone. That we may be filled to the fullest capacity with ONLY HIM. That we may unclench our fists and let go of our lives. We are not our own. May we seek sanctification and righteousness. May we hold one another accountible in love and respect. May we continue to seek God's face and heart alone. May our eyes be so attuned to following Jesus that our faces are buried in his shoulder blades. May we seek his will alone. May his still, small voice be constant and louder than anyother-- de-fogging our eyes and revealing his path and plan.
God is good. So good. He is living and so active. He is moving--in wonderful, beautiful ways. I just need to put myself aside and let him do his thing.
Thank you, my Jesus, for revealing your presence to us so clearly. You have your hand in all of this... and your will is perfect and it is good. May we rest and be comforted knowing this is the case. To you alone be ALL glory.
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